


Rosa setigera

by gingersnapsandbubblewrap



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gardening, Nonbinary Character, Past Abuse Mention, domestic life, mention of akio, post-ohtori life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-11-17 21:16:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingersnapsandbubblewrap/pseuds/gingersnapsandbubblewrap
Summary: Little by little, signs of life begin to bud within Anthy.





	1. Chapter 1

Little by little, signs of life begin to bud within Anthy.

 

“What are those?” Utena asked her one day. She’s sprawled on the back porch, tilting back in a wicker chair, legs outstretched in front of her, Chuchu snoozing next to her on the bench. Their house is in the country, a stone’s throw from the ocean, cheap but a little small and run-down, but that’s of no concern. There is a garden and that was all they wanted. Anthy worked the dirt around the new plant with her hands, firming it up around the roots.

“Roses,” she replied. Utena shuddered instinctively, and for a moment she swore she heard the clash of swords, a slide of metal. 

“They don’t look like roses,” she said. The wicker chair tilted forward and all four legs hit the floor as Utena stood to inspect the tiny buds, newly formed and hesitant in the open air. 

“They’re a little wilder than the roses we’re used to,” Anthy said. “Help me with this?” She gestured to a latticed arbor, a crisscross of thin wooden beams perhaps ten feet tall, leaning against an empty ceramic pot. Utena hurried over to it, lifting it off the ground easily. 

“Where do you want this?”

“Here, thank you.” Anthy took the other side of the arbor and helped Utena move it, placing it flush against the side of the house. “There. Now the roses can climb.”

“They’re vines?” Utena peered down at the little plant. “How big will they get?” Anthy smiled, and Utena was struck by how lovely she looked. She wore her hair loose around her shoulders now, pulled back into a ponytail but still long against her back. To anyone else, she would have looked too tense still, too stiff around her shoulders, but there was a smudge of dirt on her perfect nose. She still had that same smile, but there was nothing she hid behind it, now.

Utena laughed. “You have dirt on you.” She reached up to brush it off. Anthy closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, placing a gentle gloved hand over Utena’s. Anthy’s skin was warm and the sunlight was catching her eyelashes. Utena felt her eyes close as if on their own accord and she leaned forward to kiss her in the shade of the garden. 

 

* * * *

 

“Anthy!” Utena slid the door open a little too hard and it banged against the frame, rattling the glass and startling Chuchu into squeaking loudly. Anthy looked up from the kitchen sink. Utena was standing in the doorway, ruffled-looking and flushed, vivacious as ever, with a grin on her face. 

“Utena? Oh--!” Anthy ran to her side and placed a hand on either side of her girlfriend’s head, turning it one way and then another to examine it. “Your hair! You cut it!” 

“Never mind that, come look at the garden!” Utena said. Anthy ignored her, running her fingers through Utena’s newly-short curls. 

“It suits you, I think,” Anthy said pensively. “But it was so sudden...I suppose short hair is trendy, though, isn’t it?” 

“I didn’t do it to be trendy, I did it because it got in the way,” Utena huffed. 

“It got in the way?” Anthy said. “But I thought you liked me pulling your hair when we--”

“N-not like  _ that! _ ” Utena said, suddenly embarrassed. “I mean, when I run, or when it’s windy, or-- oh, just come see what I found in the garden!” Utena took Anthy’s hand and tugged on it insistently. Anthy let herself be led outside, over to where the newly-planted rose bush sat under the arbor. 

“Anthy, look! It’s blooming!” Utena’s voice was soft and low, as if scared that if she raised her voice the flower would curl up again in fright. Indeed, a neat little blossom had formed near the top, the first of the buds to bloom, five delicate pink petals glistening with dew, a dappling of yellow pollen at its center. Anthy crouched down to take a closer look, reached forth, and plucked it from the vine. 

“ _ Anthy!” _ Utena gasped. “Hey, why’d you do that?” Anthy straightened up, turning towards Utena and reaching up to tuck the rose delicately behind Utena’s ear. 

“It looks lovelier there,” Anthy said. Utena flushed pink, almost a perfect match to the rose behind her ear. 

* * * *

 

Utena talks in her sleep, sometimes. On nights when Anthy can’t seem to keep her mind buzzing, watching her girlfriend sleep is comforting-- it makes the room feel a little less big, makes the darkness not press in on her so. Utena is absurdly easy to read, even in her sleep. Anthy catches her smiling sometimes when she’s relaxed, limbs spread all over the bed, and sometimes catches little half-whispers that sound like her name. Other nights, she curls into a tiny, shivering ball, shaking and whimpering, crying out when Anthy wakes her from another nightmare and tears staining her cheeks. Those nights happen less often, now, and this night Utena was sprawled on her back comfortably, mumbling little sounds under her breath every once in awhile. 

Anthy is curled next to her, one arm propping up her head as she studies Utena’s face. It’s been a while since Utena first cut her hair short, and it’s grown out a little now; her bangs fall long over her eyes and her hair has started to curl a little around the ears. Anthy watches her chest rise and fall rhythmically and leans in towards her face experimentally. Utena’s face looks so soft, and Anthy places a tentative kiss on her cheek, feather-light, and then lowers her head to rest it on Utena’s chest. She closes her eyes and focuses on Utena’s slow, thudding heartbeat. Everything is soft and quiet and calm. 

Utena makes a little noise in her throat and begins to mumble again. Anthy smiles; her voice is so cute. 

“Mhm…” Utena sighs. “A-Aki...Aki...o…” 

Anthy’s eyes fly open. Her blood curdles ice-cold in her veins and for a moment, she can’t move. 

_ Rough hands on her, tearing at her, taking what he wants. She pushes down a feeling of bubbling nausea in her throat and replaces it with a complacent smile.  _

Anthy stands and the room bends underneath her feet. She falls forward, dizzy, and her hand instinctively reaches out and hits the side table. When did she get in the hallway? A vase tumbles to the ground and shatters.

_ She sacrificed everything for him. It was all for him. He can hurt her, he’s allowed, because she loves him. She loves him. She loves him. Why does her mouth taste so bitter?  _

Anthy’s arms and legs are shaking and suddenly there is no air in her lungs and she’s sweating and trying to gasp for air and she feels so out of control--

\-- _ Any little way to control him, to feel powerful, is worth it. He has taken everything from her-- the best way to control him is to make no noise, to betray no emotion, no matter how it hurt, how he hurt her. If she is to be a wicked witch, so be it. She can hurt him, too.  _

“Anthy?”  Everything is too loud, too loud. She’s on the ground with her hands covering her ears, vision swimming with tears. Utena’s gentle touch on her arm is like a lightning bolt coursing through her body and Anthy flinches. “Anthy, oh god-- Anthy, hey, breathe, okay? Breathe, please, Anthy,” Utena sounds terrified. The thought of her worrying is enough for Anthy to take a deep, shuddering breath. “There. There, keep breathing, Anthy, you’re safe, you’re here with me, you’re not at Ohtori, you’re safe, you’re safe.” 

_ I’m safe, _ Anthy thinks.  _ I’m with Utena. I’m safe.  _ She looks up at her and Utena’s face isn’t filled with the shining naivete of youth-- she is older, more present, worried beyond belief for Anthy. 

Anthy deflates with relief and tears spill over her face. “You’re okay,” Utena says softly, relieved. “I’m here, you’re okay. May I touch you?” Anthy nods and Utena leans in to wrap her arms around her. “Shh. You’re all right.” 

“U-tena?” Anthy says, voice cracking through the tears.

“Yes?”

“I-I can’t move.” Her legs feel like jelly underneath her, tingling pinpricks and immobile. Her arms are still shaking. Utena shifts one arm under Anthy’s legs and picks her up with a little effort.

“Oh no,” Utena says, drawing in her breath in a low hiss. “Anthy, you’re bleeding.

Through the tears Anthys sees bloodstained shards of glass where she had collapsed. 

“The vase...I’m sorry,” is all she can manage.

“I’m just worried about you right now,” Utena says gently. “Here, let’s clean you up.”

Utena carries Anthy to the kitchen and they clean her scrapes in silence, Utena covering each with a band-aid and a kiss as though Anthy were a child. Despite Anthy’s insistence she can walk back to their room, Utena carries her the length of the hallway to the bedroom and sets Anthy down softly, propping her head up with pillows. She lays beside her, stroking her face gently. Anthy takes a deep breath and lets it out shakily. “Thank you,” she says softly, feeling suddenly foolish and exposed, worse than if she were naked.

“Did you have another dream?” Utena asked softly. Anthy shook her head. 

“You-- you were talking in your sleep,” she whispered. Utena stiffened. 

“And...what did I say?” Utena asked. 

“You said... _ his  _ name.” Anthy closed her eyes and pressed the palms of her hands into them until she saw stars. 

“Oh.” Utena took a deep breath. “I...yeah.  _ He  _ was in my dream.” 

“What was happening in it?” Anthy asked. 

“I...we were back in the arena,” Utena whispered. “You were there, too, and we were...you were dressed as the Rose Bride again. I was in my duelist uniform,” Utena looked away. “You had...swords in you. And I pulled them out, one by one, and stabbed him with them. The less pain you were in, the more he was dying. I woke up just before I could--” Utena cut herself off, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “It was just a dream.” 

“You didn’t look like you were having a nightmare,” Anthy said. “I would have--”

“No,” Utena said. “It was...I felt  _ happy. _ I  _ wanted  _  to hurt him. I wanted to see him bleed,” she said. There were angry tears in her eyes. “I...I wanted to kill him. For what he did. For hurting you, but-- but also because he hurt me, too. God, that’s terrible. I wanted to see him suffer.” 

“You’re not terrible,” Anthy said, guilty at the sudden relief that flooded through her. “I wanted to hurt him, too.” Utena looked up at her, eyes glistening with tears in the dark. “I  _ did  _ hurt him. For years. I found...little ways to.” 

“Anthy…” Utena said. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“I still do,” she said calmly. “I still lie awake at night hoping that wherever he is, whatever happened to him, he is suffering. Because that’s what I think he deserves. I...I think about it less, now, but…” 

“Anthy,” Utena said quietly.

“And that’s on the good nights,” Anthy whispered. “On bad ones, I think...I  _ miss  _ him. I want to go back. Sometimes, I even think...I  _ deserve  _ to be with him.”

“Don’t say that,” Utena said sharply. Anthy flinched at her voice. “I’m-- I’m sorry, Anthy. But please, please never say that. He was a bastard, Anthy, and he  _ hurt  _ you. He’s-- he’s evil, Anthy, and he did evil things to you. You deserve so much better, Anthy. You deserve the world.” Utena cupped her cheek gently with her hand, but Anthy wouldn’t make eye contact.

“Sometimes I feel evil, too. I’ve done bad things,” she said.

“But you’re not a bad person, Anthy. You’re just...not.” 

“I know I’m not a good one, either,” Anthy said. “So where does that put us?” 

“Somewhere in the middle, I suppose. With the rest of everyone else.” Anthy smiled. They sat there for a while, lost in thought, the room silent except for the muted ticking of a clock nearby, the distant sound of Chuchu snoring.

“Would you like some tea?” Utena asked. “I know that helps, sometimes.” Anthy shook her head. 

“Just stay with me?” she asked. Utena smiled and slid in next to her, wrapping an arm protectively around Anthy’s shoulders. She pressed a kiss to the top of Anthy’s head and Anthy snuggled tighter against Utena’s chest. 

“I  _ want  _ to talk about it,” Anthy said. “Sometimes. I think we should talk about what happened.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Utena whispered. 

“Never,” Anthy said. 

“Then maybe we’ll talk about it.” 

Anthy sighed. It had been a while since an attack like that-- a small victory to hang on to, but the less frequent they were, the more exhausting they became. Everything was still and calm again, though; she could hear Utena’s heart beating, slow and steady, the most beautiful sound in the world.

“I love you,” Anthy whispered. 

 

Anthy was asleep before the words “I love you too,” left Utena’s mouth.  

Outside, the rosebush had begun to crawl its way up the arbor.

 

* * * *

Utena heard the crash from the other room and looked up. The late winter afternoon was shining through the curtains in streams of pale light, and Utena sat at a desk cluttered with study materials, the result of her vain attempt at cramming for entrance exams. Utena pushed the chair out from the desk and stood.

“Anthy?” she called. “Are you okay?” Anthy was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, motionless. “Anthy?” Utena said again. Anthy mumbled something under her breath, too quiet for Utena to hear. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“It broke,” Anthy said. Utena’s eyes scanned the floor until she saw it-- a teacup, white with gold trim, flared at the rim-- or what used to be one, anyway. Utena bent to pick up a shard and a familiar pink rose symbol caught her eye. 

“This is--” 

“Broken,” Anthy finished. She still hadn’t moved, hadn’t even looked up. “I dropped it and it’s broken.” 

“Anthy,” Utena said. “You’re shaking--”

“ _ Damn  _ it!” Anthy shouted. She flung a piece of teacup against the door and it shattered, the noise a sharp clatter in the still air. Utena couldn’t find it in her to speak; never, ever in her life had she heard Anthy so much as raise her voice. “Such an idiot! Handling something precious like a clumsy oaf. Damn it,  _ damn it!”  _ Anthy shook her head angrily. Hot tears were spilling down her cheeks. She caught Utena’s eye and froze, suddenly self-conscious, and wiped the tears from her face. “I--I’m sorry,” she said shakily. “I don’t--I don’t know what that was. I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Anthy…” Utena said, still in shock.

“It’s just a teacup,” Anthy said. “I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up. Stupid, getting all upset over a cup, isn’t it? So stupid.” 

“Anthy,” Utena said. “I didn’t know you kept a teacup from Ohtori.”

“It’s the one thing I kept from that place,” Anthy said. “As a keepsake.”

“What could you possibly want to remember from that place?” Utena said. 

“Meeting you, for one,” Anthy said frankly. Utena was caught off guard, again, by her bluntness and let out a bashful laugh. “But it’s broken, now...damn.  _ Damn. _ ” Anthy looked down incredulously at her shaking hands. “You know, I’ve never felt... _ anger  _ like this before. I can’t remember the last time.” 

“You’ve never been angry?” Utena grabbed a dustpan and broom and stooped next to her to help clean up the mess.

“I have-- I have, but it was...different? More like spite and less...less…” Anthy trailed off. “I’m...sorry. Sometimes I just...I feel things differently, and it’s hard, and it won’t happen again--” 

“You’re free to feel whatever you want to feel, now,” Utena said. “I’m not going to punish you for having  _ feelings _ . If you’re angry, be angry.” Anthy looked up. Her cheeks were red and her eyes a little swollen from crying, but she looked  _ alive-- _ a far cry from the smiling, emotionless doll Utena had once known. 

“I can be angry,” Anthy said, and then laughed. “How silly. I was certain there was something wrong with me, for a moment. But I’m just feeling something everyone else does, all the time.” 

“Not  _ all  _ the time,” Utena said. “Just sometimes.”

“Yes,” Anthy agreed. “Does it always feel so-- so  _ hot?  _ Like a sudden fire in your heart.” 

“Sometimes,” Utena said. “It’s a little different for everyone.” Anthy laughed again, a few leftover tears falling down her cheeks. 

“My heart is beating so fast,” she said. “I’m not used to this. To  everything. I feel--I feel--” Anthy’s eyes lit up. “Let’s go to bed.” 

“What?” Utena felt her face burn. “ _ Now? _ ” 

“We could just do it in here, I suppose. Do you want to or not?” Anthy stood and tugged Utena to her feet. 

“What about the cup? We really need to clean it up--”

“Not now,” Anthy purred, pushing close to her girlfriend. “Now I just want  _ you _ .” 

Out in the garden, another bud opened its petals shyly. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Utena has a confession to make. Anthy is bad at social cues.

 

“How lovely!” Anthy said. “Utena, look at how this one is coming along!” 

Utena sat up from her place playing with Chuchu, lounging in the shade of the porch and stood to look over at the rosebush, now in full flourish and beginning to climb up the side of the arbor.

“It’s pretty,” she said. 

“Yes, I think it will do nicely in the summer months. No need to worry about it drying up, long as we remember to water it!” Chuchu scampered over to her and Anthy lifted him up to rest on her shoulder, glowing proudly under her gardening hat. 

“Mhm.” Utena watched Anthy stand to tend to the other plants dotted around the garden; it seemed so long ago they planted them, and yet it hadn’t yet been a year. It was so strange, how time worked now. 

“I was thinking of buying a cookbook,” Anthy said. “Eating take-out is starting to become tiresome, don’t you think?” 

“It was tiresome three months ago,” Utena said. “Besides, I cooked the other night.”

“Yes,” Anthy said happily. “I suppose that  _ could  _ qualify as cooking. Perhaps you could learn with me.” 

“You’re too honest for me,” Utena said. 

“Am I? I suppose things haven’t changed too much.” Anthy set down the watering can and took off her gloves. “Something is wrong,” she said. Utena blinked.

“Sorry?” She said. Anthy reached up to touch her cheek gently.  

“You have something on your mind, Utena. What is it, love?” 

Utena gave a little laugh. “Am I that transparent?”

“To me, yes. What is it?” Anthy insisted. Utena looked away, an anxious line appearing between her eyebrows. 

“It’s...it’s nothing,” Utena said. 

“It isn’t,” Anthy replied. 

“I...I don’t know. I don’t...it’s hard to explain,” Utena said. “I don’t...sometimes, you know, I don’t  _ feel  _ like...like a girl. Or a woman. Whichever. I actually-- I  _ never  _ feel like one.” Her voice became very soft, vulnerable. She pulled away from Anthy’s hand. “I feel... _ better  _ in boy’s clothes, but-- but I don’t feel like a boy, either. I--I don’t know.”

“Oh,” Anthy said. “Is that all?” 

Utena looked up, blue eyes wide. “What?”

“So you aren’t a boy or a girl. That’s fine. Obvious, even.” Anthy smiled. “You never seemed like either, in any case. I’ve always thought of you as just Utena.” 

“I...Anthy,” Utena said. “I’ve...It’s taken me so long to figure this out.  _ Years,  _ Anthy.” 

“You have now,” Anthy said. “Isn’t that what matters?” 

“Anthy, I’m being serious!” Utena said. “This...this is a big deal for me. I’ve been holding this in for-- for  _ months  _ now,” she said, voice rising.

“I don’t see why,” Anthy said. 

“I was  _ scared,  _ Anthy! I was scared that I was making it up, that--that I was  _ wrong,  _ or that I would get  _ laughed  _ at--”

“Why would I laugh? It’s not like it changes anything.”

“This is a huge discovery for me!” Utena said, pulling away. “Don’t treat this like a small thing, Anthy, for  _ god’s  _ sake!” 

“But you’re still the same, Utena. It doesn’t matter to me,” Anthy said. 

“ _ Maybe it should! _ ” Utena shouted. Anthy flinched. 

Silence hung between the two, both frozen in place, Utena with her fists by her side and Anthy rigid as a board, for a moment that felt like a year. Finally, Utena sighed. 

“I’m going inside,” she mumbled, and turned to leave. Chuchu clambered down from Anthy’s shoulder, scampering inside just in time as the door slammed behind her, echoing in the yard. 

Anthy found her a while later sitting on the bed, staring out the window, and shut the door behind her quietly. Utena turned at the noise; she didn’t look like she’d been crying-- thank god, she hadn’t been crying; Anthy couldn’t stand it if she’d made her cry. 

“I’m sorry,” they said, both at once, then laughed awkwardly at each other. 

“I’m sorry for shouting, Anthy. I shouldn’t have done that,” Utena said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know why I reacted like that.” 

“No, Utena,” Anthy said. She crossed the room, kneeling next to her to meet her eyes. “You were right. I treated it as though it wasn’t important, and it is. It really, truly is, Utena,” she said. “Utena, you-- I’m too blunt, sometimes, I don’t know how  _ not  _ to be-- I want you to know that you’re still the same to me, you’re still my Utena, and I feel...I am...proud of you. And--and I don’t always know how to say that.” 

“Anthy,” Utena said. She  _ was _ crying now; One fell on Anthy’s hand that rested on her knee and traced down her skin. 

“Please, please, don’t cry,” Anthy said. “I--I’m sorry, Utena, I...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have caused you to shout and--and be upset. Please, I can’t stand making you cry, Utena…”

“I’m happy, you dummy,” Utena said, half-laughing.  

“Oh,” Anthy said. She sat next to Utena on the bed. “I wish...I wish I were better at this.” 

Utena shook her head. “You’re doing fine. We both are.”

Chuchu poked his nose into the room bashfully, squeaking out little noises of concern, and Anthy scooped him into her lap. “So,” she said, “Do you want me to call you something different now?” 

“I like my name fine. And pronouns...I don’t know. I think I’m okay with any. You can keep calling me ‘she’, if that’s easier for you.” Utena smiled and scratched Chuchu behind the ears.

 

* * * *

Anthy was trying out a new recipe when Utena arrived home at last.

“You’re home a little later than usual,” Anthy said, unfazed. “Here, see what you think of--” she stopped abruptly as she turned to see a familiar face standing in her kitchen. “Oh. Miki.” 

“Good evening, Himemiya,” Miki said shyly. Utena approached behind him, and with mild interest Anthy noticed that he had outgrown the both of them. 

After a brief pause, Anthy blinked and broke the silence. “Would you like to stay for dinner?” 

Utena explained how they’d met unexpectedly while they were out running errands after work and had wanted to catch up, all the while apologizing profusely.  

“And, well, I’d invited him over before even thought about it,” Utena finished, looking a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be! I’m actually a little happy to see him.” Anthy checked on the gently steaming pot set atop the stove. “Ah, it looks like it’s ready, too. Good timing.” 

“It won’t be...awkward?” Utena asked. 

“Why?”

“Well, I mean...you know.” 

“I really don’t.” 

“He had a thing for you. The last time we met.” Utena whispered, casting a furtive look towards the kitchen, where Miki was happily examining the bookshelf. 

“Most people did,” Anthy said blithely. “I’m sure it won’t be an issue. Especially since we’re together.” 

“Well,  _ he  _ doesn’t know that,” Utena said. “...Necessarily.” 

“You didn’t tell him?” 

“It...didn’t come up.” Utena glanced behind her to ensure Miki wasn’t looking and took Anthy’s hand. “Please, let me tell him. I want to do it gently, to make sure his feelings aren’t hurt. Okay? Would you let me do that?” 

“I could be gentle,” Anthy said. “But...if that’s what you want, then I’ll let you tell him the way you like.”

“Thank you,” Utena said. 

Anthy served them steaming soba noodles on the garden porch for lunch after a pleasant catching up chat. 

“Anthy, you know...yakisoba doesn’t have to be made with actual soba noodles,” Utena said.

“It’s delicious!” Miki exclaimed, cutting her off. “You’ve really improved your cooking in the years we’ve been apart, Himemiya. And what a treat seeing you unexpectedly! It must be nice, living with your best friend.”

“Thank you, Miki. Call me Anthy, please, you’re much too formal.” 

Miki practically glowed at that. Utena felt her stomach drop with dread. 

“...So, how is Kozue? Are you in touch with her still?” Utena said, attempting to change the topic. 

“Yes, I am. We lived together for a while after Ohtori, but...I think space is what she really needs to flourish. It’s good for both of us this way. But I still talk to her often. She’s taking a vacation before she applies to any schools right now, touring Europe and everything.” Miki took a bite of yakisoba and politely dabbed at his mouth with a napkin before continuing. “I’ve been trying to reach out to the others, too, but I’ve only had a little success.” 

“The others?” Anthy asked. 

“The student council,” Miki said, matter-of-factly. “Nanami and I met up just last week. I was able to get in contact with her through Juri, who’s...living with her. Apparently.” He coughed. “But those two are the only ones I’ve successfully been able to meet with.”

“Nanami doesn’t know where Touga is?” Utena asked. 

“She might,” Miki said. “But I get the feeling it’s kind of a sore subject for her. Apparently she was the first one of us to leave Ohtori after Utena-sempai. Before you, even, Anthy.” And Miki looked up at Anthy again with those big blue puppy eyes and Utena cringed inwardly for about the fifth time this evening. 

“Strange that she lives with Juri now,” Anthy said, either oblivious to the atmosphere or just pretending incredibly well. “I wouldn’t think the two of them got along well enough at all.” 

“Apparently they get along  _ very  _ well,” Miki said, and coughed again. “Far be it from me to spread rumors, but...the two of them appear to be…”

Utena and Anthy leaned in subtly at Miki’s hesitation, waiting for the end of his sentence.

“...a couple,” he finished, blushing deeply at the admission. 

Anthy shared a glance with Utena before continuing,

“It’s a surprise for Nanami, perhaps, but not for Juri.” 

“Why?” Miki asked. 

“Well, she’s always preferred women, for one,” Utena said. 

“I never knew that!” Miki exclaimed. 

“Really? I thought you two were close,” Utena replied. “Weren’t you friends back at Ohtori?” 

“We...we were, but…” Miki looked down at his plate of half-finished noodles. “...She’s not a very open person. We mostly talked about fencing, or schoolwork, or made fun of Touga behind his back.” 

“She may be a private person, but still, it wasn’t obvious to you?” Anthy asked

“Anthy…” Utena said, flashing her a glance that reminded her of the promise to ‘be gentle’. 

“No, how could you tell?” Miki asked. His eyes widened in shock. “I..oh, Anthy, you were her rose bride at one point, weren’t you?” He put his head in his hands. 

“For about a week or so, yes,” Anthy said calmly. “But she never showed any interest in me besides that of status. She seemed quite obsessed with one Shiori Takatsuki then, if memory serves.” 

“Oh,” Miki said. “...Oh! Shiori! Of course, now  _ that  _ makes sense.” He raised his head to rest it thoughtfully in his palm. “I always assumed it was because she stole away her love, but from her perspective, I suppose it was the other way around.” Miki sighed. “Girls are too complicated for me.” 

Utena laughed nervously. “Well, I suppose it’s just because you haven’t been exposed to relationships like that much,” she said. “Speaking of--” 

“But Nanami, though,” Miki said. “Isn’t it odd that she ended up with Juri?” 

“Looking back, she never was interested in boys,” Anthy said. “Besides her brother, whom she decidedly did  _ not  _ have romantic feelings towards. Perhaps she used him as a sort of shield, a way for her to distract herself from the more taboo romantic feelings she might have towards women and channel it into a more wholesome sibling love?” 

“That’s...insightful of you, Anthy,” Miki said. 

“And Touga was always such a womanizer, something she pretty openly detested about him. Perhaps the jealousy she felt was correctly identified, but not for the women he gave so much attention, but for the fact that her brother was allowed to so thoughtlessly cavort with any girl he pleased while even the purest of romantic feelings she had for any girl were deemed inappropriate and perverse?” Anthy sipped her tea. “I wonder…” 

“Erm,” Miki said. “I suppose?” 

“In any rate, I’m happy for them,” Utena said. “I hope they’re getting along well. We should invite them over sometime.” 

“Yes, we should!” Miki said. “It would be just like old times, but without anyone having to fight each other or wonder about secret plots or the End of the World!” 

“Sometimes I wonder if that all really happened,” Utena said. “It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?” 

Miki leaned back in his chair to look at the clouds drifting by in the pale blue sky. 

“It does. But it did happen. Some days I think it helped shape who I am today for the better...other days, I wish I’d never set foot in that damned place.” 

“I know what you mean,” Anthy said, and Utena nodded silently. 

“I wondered if I was doing the right thing trying to contact all of you,” Miki said. “I wondered if anyone would want to be reminded of what happened there. But I think...I think it’s for the best. No one else has gone through what we have. In the end, isn’t all we have each other?” 

Anthy caught Utena’s eye and reached out to hold her hand underneath the table. 

“I think you’re right, Miki,” Anthy said, and turned to look at him. “I’d like to keep in contact, if that’s all right with you.” 

 

The three of them talked for a few more minutes before Miki declared that he should be headed home soon. By that time, the sun was already hanging low over the horizon. Despite his rush to get home, he lingered a while in the doorway. 

“Anthy,” he said, turning a pale red around the ears. “I was wondering if you would like...sometime...to go get tea with me.” 

“Of course! We can bring Juri and Nanami as well as Utena!” Anthy replied cheerily. 

“I meant...with only me. As a date,” Miki said. 

The question hung in the air. Behind her, Anthy felt Utena freeze in her tracks. 

“I’m afraid that won’t work out, Miki,” Anthy said without missing a beat. “You’re a nice boy, and I like you very much, but Utena and I are already lovers.” 

“Oh,” Miki said. “...I see. Good night.” 

Anthy shut the door and turned to see Utena in a crumpled pile on the floor. “I can never face him again,” she whispered. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are very much appreciated.  
> Thank you for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another old face stops by for a visit. Utena thinks about her future.

 

The Friday after Miki visited, there was a knock on the door. 

“Could you get that?” Anthy called from the bedroom. Utena got up from the desk and made her way to the door, restless from studying and eager to stretch her legs. They weren’t anticipating any visitors, she thought. Maybe Anthy had ordered a package and forgotten to tell her? 

Just as Utena’s hand hovered above the doorknob, the door flung open. 

“Oh. Utena. Good, I have the right address.” Utena blinked, brain trying to process what was happening as the girl at the door pushed her way inside and began examining the inside of the house with a critical eye, hands placed firmly on hips. Once she seemed to be satisfied, she whipped around to stare at Utena with a sort of accusatory glare. “So is it true?”

“Buh,” Utena said eloquently. The face was familiar, but her mind was struggling to place it. The girl--woman, at this point-- was elegant without trying, blond hair cut in a bob with bangs that swept across her forehead, and a demanding posture that made her seem as though she took up the entire room, although she was a great deal shorter than Utena in reality. The girl huffed in exasperation and crossed her arms. 

“Is it true,” she repeated, “That you’re living with the witch now?” 

“Utena, who’s there?” Anthy called, right on cue. 

“I-- Nanami,” Utena said, finding a name but bewildered to be saying it aloud. 

Anthy rounded the corner and sized up the scene. For a tense moment, the two stared tersely at one another, locked in an invisible contest of wills the likes of which Utena couldn’t comprehend. 

“Kiryuu,” Anthy said, a smile on her face that didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Witch,” Nanami said casually. 

Anthy took a few steps forward. “Still waiting to hit that growth spurt, I see.” 

“Hmph.” Nanami cracked a cold smile. “Can I come in, or have you stuffed drawers full of snails in here?” 

“No snails,” Anthy said, smile not faltering in the least. “Please, come in.” A glint of something ominous appeared in her eyes. “You can stay for dinner. I’m making curry rice.” 

Nanami flinched at that, then to Utena’s bafflement, she laughed. “I think I’ll pass,” she said. “Glad to see you’re still the same as you’ve always been.” She gave Anthy a quick up-and-down look and revised with, “...Better, even.” Satisfied, she brushed past Anthy towards the kitchen, leaving Utena scrambling in her wake. 

“Nanami, what--”

“You have tea somewhere in here, right? I’ll put a kettle on.” Nanami flung open a cupboard, her face twisting into a pout when it yielded kitchenware and shut it again. 

“Second on the left,” Anthy said calmly, entering the kitchen with Chu-chu on her shoulder. 

“Thank you.” 

“Why are you here?” Utena finally exclaimed. 

Nanami didn’t look up from the selection of teas in the cupboard, a hand resting thoughtfully on her chin. “Miki told me where you live. Let’s do lemon-ginger, I think.” She pulled the tin down and began filling the kettle. 

“So you just decided to invite yourself over?” Utena said, crossing her arms. 

“Well, it’s not like you have a phone,” Nanami said. 

“I-- hm. Well...well, who has a landline anymore?” Utena said defensively. “But we used to have a cell!”

“Just the one?” Nanami asked. “What happened to it?” 

“I dropped it in the bath,” Anthy said pleasantly, giving Chu-chu a scratch under his chin. “I was going to use my next paycheck to get another.” 

“ _ You _ have a job?” Nanami asked. 

“I work from home,” Anthy said mysteriously. 

Utena sighed. “Well, I guess you’re here already anyway. Why not?” 

Nanami put the kettle on the stove with a satisfied  _ clunk  _ and took a seat at the short Japanese-style kitchen table where Anthy and Utena already sat. 

“What are you up to these days, anyway?” Utena asked. 

“This and that,” Nanami said. “I work as an editor of a fashion magazine now, actually.” 

“Whoa, really?” Utena said. “But you’re a year younger than me!” 

“I graduated early,” Nanami said flippantly, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “Anyway, I say ‘editor’, I’m really more of a graduated intern. I won’t get to do anything interesting for a while, but I like it. Keeps me busy.” She smiled. “It’s actually how I met Juri again.” 

“Juri?” Anthy said. “She’s a writer now?” 

Nanami laughed. “God, no. I made it out of Ohtori before any of the student council. I couldn’t wait to get out of that hellscape quick enough. I hear after I left...well, it was you right after, wasn’t it, Anthy? I was worried you’d end up trapped there, but it looks like I was wrong.” 

Anthy shrugged. “There was nothing left for me there. I went through a lot, but...it was time.” 

“Good,” Nanami said. “That place did a number on you. I’m glad to see you out.” She smiled and continued. “Anyway, after that, Miki and Kaoru left together, then the way I heard it, it went Juri, Touga, Saionji. I only know that because Saionji told me, and I only know from him because my rat bastard of a brother got back in contact with me after he left finally.” 

“You’ve heard from Touga? And Saionji?” Utena said. “Miki said he hadn’t met with them. What’re they up to?” 

Nanami rolled her eyes. “ _ Touga _ crashed on my couch for about five months after he got out, which was obnoxious, because I was just starting my relationship with Juri, and he refused to get a job. Not too long after, Saionji got in contact with him and started showing up around the apartment at all hours. I got all kinds of complaints from neighbors about the shouting and banging in the middle of the night because neither of those morons know how to have a civil conversation. Anyway, Saionji eventually got a job and his own place, so I kicked Touga out to mooch off him and moved in with Juri instead.” 

“Wait, so if Juri’s not a writer, how’s you find her through your job?” Utena asked. The kettle began to whistle on the stove, and Anthy got up to tend to it. 

“Funny story,” Nanami said, looking awkward. “So...after Ohtori, I didn’t actually want to talk to anyone from back then. I just wanted to forget about the whole thing and move on. I finished school and got a job as fast as I could. Even cut off all my hair in an effort to...I dunno...start fresh?” Anthy set a cup of tea down next to her and Nanami nodded graciously. “So it wasn’t like I was seeking her out or anything. I wasn’t even trying to contact my own brother, and to be honest, I didn’t have feelings for Juri when we were in student council together. She was just so moody and distant. Hard to get close to, you know?” She took a sip of tea. “So I was surprised when I was working one day, literally about week two of the job, and Juri walks through the door. I assumed she was there trying to track me down, but she was just as shocked as I was to see me. Turns out, she’s trying to get a modeling career, and just so happened to turn up at my job.” Nanami took another sip and set her cup down, staring thoughtfully at her reflection on the pale amber surface. “She seemed...different. She’d been through a lot. Apparently, she’d had a nasty falling-out with Shiori after I left. One of many, apparently. The only reason she stayed so long there was because Shiori was there, and then...I dunno, I guess she just got tired of waiting for her. She was a real mess after Ohtori. I mean, who wasn’t, but she really took it hard. She flunked out and was homeless for a while, I think. She doesn’t talk about it much. Eventually she managed to get a part-time job and support herself, and was scouted for the modeling business while at work.” Nanami finished, satisfied to see two shocked faces. “Yes, it’s a whole sordid tale. But as a result, she seemed a lot less stuck-up and cold. Just a lot warmer and nicer, in general, which is amazing considering everything she’s been through. She actually seemed really happy to see me, so we went for coffee, and everything sorta went from there.” Nanami smiled. “And, well, here we are.” 

“That’s…” Utena said, trailing off. 

“...Quite the tale,” Anthy finished. 

“Chu,” Chu-chu added. 

“I suppose,” Nanami said pensively. “But it’s not more wild than what any of us have been through before.” She stirred her tea. “After I met Juri, I wanted to get in contact with more people. Despite everything, I didn’t  _ totally  _ hate everything that happened at Ohtori. I met up with Aiko and Keiko once. Haven’t heard from Yuko yet, but still trying. Miki and I meet up regularly when he has time. Did he tell you he’s working at a music store now? He plays in a local orchestra as their concert pianist. You should go to one of his concerts sometime. He’s very good.”

“He didn’t,” Utena said. “We should see him...eventually. Maybe once the shock has worn off.” 

“Shock?” Nanami asked.

“He didn’t know Utena and I were together. It made things awkward,” Anthy explained. 

Nanami sighed. “That boy doesn’t notice a wall till he runs into it. What, did he think you were just platonically holding hands all through high school? Or that you were just playing gal pals in your romantic honeymoon cottage?” 

Utena snorted a mouthful of tea and coughed on it. Anthy patted her on the back encouragingly. 

“Well, he’ll get over it. He’s tougher than he looks.” Nanami sipped her tea again and looked at the teacup questioningly. “There’s sugar in this.”

“Yes?” Utena said. 

“I didn’t put sugar in this,” Nanami said. 

“I did,” Anthy said. “You seemed like you’d like sugar in your tea.” 

“I do,” Nanami said, looking thankful, then her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t put anything else in there, did you?” 

 

*****

Nanami departed without incident, and Anthy and Utena waved as she made her departure down the hill towards the train station. It was long after they’d gone inside that Anthy noticed Utena was quieter than usual, and not until they’d settled into bed for the night that Anthy decided to ask her about it. 

“What’s on your mind?” Anthy asked. She raised a hand to press against Utena’s cheek, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Utena’s eyes. 

“I just...Nanami has everything figured out all ready. Juri and Miki too. It feels like they’re all really adults now.” 

“They are. We all are,” Anthy said. 

“I know.” Utena chewed her lip in thought. “I don’t feel like one yet, though. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do about my job. Or college. Or if I even  _ want  _ to go to college.” 

“That’s all right,” Anthy reassured her. “You don’t have to know right away. I’m happy to support you for now. I don’t mind having you be my househusband,” she teased. 

“I shouldn’t have to rely on you, though,” Utena insisted. “I need to help support both of us.” she closed her eyes. “At least back at Ohtori I had a clear goal. Now I’m not sure what I’m doing. What I want.”

“Utena, listen.” Anthy said, taking Utena’s head in both her hands. “You don’t have to make a decision right away. We’re okay, for right now at least.” Anthy smiled at her lover warmly. “All I want is for you to do whatever makes you happy.” She leaned forward and kissed Utena on her forehead, giving an encouraging smile. 

“Okay,” Utena said simply. But as Anthy drifted off to sleep, she turned the evening’s events over and over in her mind, lying awake in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
